I don’t believe in perfection in the literal definition of the word

But

I am one hundred percent sure that we are true perfection together

Fully made(crafted) for each other

If there is a God

Or an entity in charge of our little lives

They designed you for me. And me for you.

They made your lips to mold around mine

Your arms to wrap me inside

Your smile to match mine.

My eyes to ever truly meet your gaze

deeply and wholeheartedly

my mouth to tell you an infinite amount of times that I love you forever and again

My fingertips to trace every possible inch of your body and soul

My heart to yearn for yours

My soul to find the complete other half of my own

full at last

In this lifetime

As in every other lifetime

We meet again

To love and to hold

Made for each other

Made from one another

Your heart

My heart

Yours to hold

What am I supposed to do with all this beauty

Something

Something feels like I’m back in my room with the glow up stars on the ceiling

The sunset mural painted over the doorframe

The bamboo shades

The way the sun slants onto my dresser

Or my bed

Or my desk

Always changing the layout, my way of controlling the ever changing flow of life

That time I snuck you into my closet because my parents came home too early.

Or the time you biked over and we listened to a country song about sitting at the end of a dock

Or the time we fell asleep on the couch on the Fourth of July in the living room

Catching the sunset parked out front in your white truck

When it was new years and we are making out against the garage door.

All of these feelings ever present in my body

Distant and dusty but still familiar when I allow myself to feel 15 again.

And 16

And 17

And so forth.

Watching myself grow old

Shit just writing this

That feeling will never be the same.

I can be teleported through a simple note of a song. A pull of a heartstring

A smell in the wind

And I’m dropped right back to that touch of familiarity

I’ve been here before

Just not like this.

Just not like this.

And it all feels

Like a blanket that is weightless

Just ever enveloping

Full.

And oh so familiar.

I’m sitting on the train on the way to Esztergom and thinking about how much has happened in the last year of my life.

An entire year ago I was just arriving to the first day of my yoga retreat in Costa Rica with the most beautiful women I’ve ever met.

That chapter of my life opened a HUMONGOUS door for me in the past 365 days and I couldn’t be more grateful in my reflection and decision to make that journey.

I like to think of this train ride the same way. It’s only a short trip for a quick little crossing adventure on the border of Slovakia. It’s simply just for a few hours but the opportunities for sights and space to access new information can inspire mountains in my mind to be moved.

I’m not really sure where I will be in a year. One year ago me had no idea I’d be reflecting on her the way I am currently. But I do know I was proud of getting that far, as I am right now.

And if I could have whispered in her ear the things I know now- I know she would laugh because she already somehow knew.

To me a year from today reading this, I know what you know since the timeline isn’t linear and it all exists in the unlimited possibilities of space and time. I hope and I know you’ve enjoyed the journey.

Time for me to lead myself to you future Z, I love you forever. ❤

Is this regression?

Or new

Transitions?

I’m back- but where

Have I gone and where will I go?

Deep reflections

Day by day

Sending earth and wind

Your way

So I see you’ve returned

I take back

All the trust that you’ve earned

Since I

Still feel the hurt

Your actions

I did not deserve.

So I see you’ve returned

But not the things

I deserve

The things that

I’ve earned

From this

I have learned

Where do you go inside your mind?

Please tell me that it’s somewhere kind

Someplace where you feel alive

A place where you can truly thrive.

Not a space for thoughts on strike

But a space you truly like

A home for all your happiness

A fine balance of compassion and selfishness.

A shelter of all the love

That also knows when to shut up

To silence when the world gets grey

Keep embracing( existing); go out and play

Your mind is not your enemy

You are not it; you are no stray.

You, Your brain: a team combined

Your heart, your soul, and your mind.

Please be gracious with yourself

There’s only you and no one else.

Your gentle soul deserves some ease

Provide this place, accept- release.

Where do you go inside your mind?

Is it your home or your demise?

I hope you love what you will find

Gentle pure and divine.

Running from

The image you see

The mirror that shines

To you from me

Praying to find

Some sweet relief

Rather than

Accept and be

Running around

Blind at sea

Hiding from

The power of

Me

Loneliness is such an interesting concept

I feel alone, and at times it does weigh on me- being by myself so much.

I thoroughly enjoy my own company. I allow myself the space I see as crucial for self analyses, self investment.

But when it’s been months now where I find myself alone at night,

I start to crave interaction

And not the kind that fills the void.

Rather- the kind that expands the void into a space of loving compassion

Of understandment

Of vulnerability.

The kind of interaction that encourages growth and stimulates innovation.

The deepest of interactions- the ones that pierce the soul

Unlike a dagger

But like an IV

Takes a minute adjusting to its presence, but it supplies basic needs when we need it most.

Mind you, I find myself having a multitude of interactions every day and I feel so loved by the people I’m so lucky to say surround me.

And I wouldn’t go as far to say a part of me feel incomplete by any means, yet I do sense a forelorn ache every once in a while without a specific presence.

I am whole on my own

I am sacred and pure on my own

I am strong and tough on my own

I rock my independence with dignity unlike any other, believe me.

But that does not diminish the subtle pings of the heart that call out in the night for you.

I yearn no such love but my own to high severity.

Everything I want sits within my throne.

Everything I need resides within this home.

But to be touched again by your soul- I would melt a thousand times

So I’d rather be alone.