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Love

Love is all there ever is

Love is all that ever was

Energy is love

Love is energy

2019 has been the most immeasurably impactful, soul opening years I’ve ever had the pleasure of being immersed in. Truthfully, I never envisioned I would be in this reality that I created for myself. But it is my reality. And it’s amazing.

I just got back from one of the most life stirring experiences I’ve ever experienced in my short time spent on this Earth. I set forth on a journey with 4 beautiful souls to the magical kingdom of Yosemite, where the waterfalls glisten with the colors of rainbows and hills that sing with the language of the wind. No collective of words or pictures will ever shine a light to how impactful and glorious this journey was. It was spontaneous and freeing. I had to see where my priorities lie when making the decision to embark on this path. I weighted my options for a few seconds and chose to go. I didn’t let myself be bound to the mundane of work and societal norms. The very next morning, me and the group set forth on the drive with no plan besides to go camping in the forest and climb some rocks.

The entire trip was miraculous and I would go into specific details about how the universe spoke to me and my love but most of it was one of those happenings that don’t have to be talked about, just had to be enjoyed. That being said this place brought out the most beautiful truths in my reflection and myself. This amazing energy center opened channels of truth and honestly between those who where seeking for it. I connected to segments of myself I had not seen prior. I had conversations with my mere reflection, literal and figurative. We tapped into a center within ourselves that was calming and voiced our true selves with no inclination of fear. We spoke with love greater than I’d ever imagined I’d be capable of. I felt at home within my soul and within his.

We found the most beautiful campground ever , next to the most calming creek. I had the most beautiful conversations with the one I hold dearest to my heart in parts of this energy center that vibrated within me so highly. Here’s some pictures of where I experienced some of the highest levels of unconditional love and energy on this trip.

Pictures will never do justice of the radiation of love and magic within these memories, but I will never forget the essence and pure feelings I experienced while taking these.

There’s moments in life that as I’m living them, I tell myself to fully dive into because those will be the moments I’ll reflect on when it’s passed and reminisce upon them. Most, if not all, of this trip was that feeling. Where I knew I was living in the peak. Not that every day isn’t the peak of my existence as I know it, but those moments especially give me a sense of peace and wholeness that warms me in years passed.

This trip brought me closer to what I’m seeking in my life and it pushed me to really evaluate my standing in my current situation. I’m definitely questioning my reality and where I want to lean towards in my next steps forward.

I am in the upmost transitional sector of my life. Every waking moment (and sleeping actually) is new to me. But not in the ordinary definition of new. It’s the definition of new that holds a sense of curiosity behind it and excitement and opportunity to make my life path my own. The sheer impact of every eye opening moment rattles me to my core, straight into my heart chakra. I’ve let go of the notion that everything outside of my life is within my control. It’s not. The only thing I have a firm grasp on is my own actions and words and impact upon those around me. If I radiate Love and Light, I’ll attract the same energy.

I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it’s hard. I’m not saying I don’t have gripping moments of pure fear. Yet, even when I lose my breath for a fraction of a second to the pain that the fear washes over me, I know that it’s all temporary. I remind myself that this too shall pass like everything else in life. So I sit in the pain, I breath into the uncomfortable position I am in just like in the practice of yoga or exercise. I don’t like it most of the time, but I’m teaching myself to enjoy even those moments where I feel like I can’t hold on. When you learn to process your pain as it happens, you are conditioning yourself to learn faster. The learning process never ends. And that is the most exciting idea for me because this life and purpose that I’m in has been absolutely beautiful. Everyone that I’ve shared it with has been a blessing at the end of the day, no matter the scenario.

I’m hopeful for the next chapter of my life. I am excited to see where the transitions place me and lead me to. I’m hopeful to see everyone grow the seeds that we plant on others. The seeds of truth that need to be nourished and nursed to beauty. These transitions are fucking petrifying but also invigorating. The constant change is there just to remind me that every second is fleeting and it really lets me grip onto my current. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, it doesn’t matter where you will go. All that you should worry about right now is where you are standing. Hold onto all you feel now and tap into it. Allow yourself to process naturally. Also, be unconditional love for yourself so you can channel that into love into others.

Namaste

Sending love and light to all. May you manifest all you dream to receive.

And again

I don’t believe in perfection in the literal definition of the word

But

I am one hundred percent sure that we are true perfection together

Fully made(crafted) for each other

If there is a God

Or an entity in charge of our little lives

They designed you for me. And me for you.

They made your lips to mold around mine

Your arms to wrap me inside

Your smile to match mine.

My eyes to ever truly meet your gaze

deeply and wholeheartedly

my mouth to tell you an infinite amount of times that I love you forever and again

My fingertips to trace every possible inch of your body and soul

My heart to yearn for yours

My soul to find the complete other half of my own

full at last

In this lifetime

As in every other lifetime

We meet again

To love and to hold

Made for each other

Made from one another

Your heart

My heart

Yours to hold

Something

Something

Something feels like I’m back in my room with the glow up stars on the ceiling

The sunset mural painted over the doorframe

The bamboo shades

The way the sun slants onto my dresser

Or my bed

Or my desk

Always changing the layout, my way of controlling the ever changing flow of life

That time I snuck you into my closet because my parents came home too early.

Or the time you biked over and we listened to a country song about sitting at the end of a dock

Or the time we fell asleep on the couch on the Fourth of July in the living room

Catching the sunset parked out front in your white truck

When it was new years and we are making out against the garage door.

All of these feelings ever present in my body

Distant and dusty but still familiar when I allow myself to feel 15 again.

And 16

And 17

And so forth.

Watching myself grow old

Shit just writing this

That feeling will never be the same.

I can be teleported through a simple note of a song. A pull of a heartstring

A smell in the wind

And I’m dropped right back to that touch of familiarity

I’ve been here before

Just not like this.

Just not like this.

And it all feels

Like a blanket that is weightless

Just ever enveloping

Full.

And oh so familiar.

Un año

I’m sitting on the train on the way to Esztergom and thinking about how much has happened in the last year of my life.

An entire year ago I was just arriving to the first day of my yoga retreat in Costa Rica with the most beautiful women I’ve ever met.

That chapter of my life opened a HUMONGOUS door for me in the past 365 days and I couldn’t be more grateful in my reflection and decision to make that journey.

I like to think of this train ride the same way. It’s only a short trip for a quick little crossing adventure on the border of Slovakia. It’s simply just for a few hours but the opportunities for sights and space to access new information can inspire mountains in my mind to be moved.

I’m not really sure where I will be in a year. One year ago me had no idea I’d be reflecting on her the way I am currently. But I do know I was proud of getting that far, as I am right now.

And if I could have whispered in her ear the things I know now- I know she would laugh because she already somehow knew.

To me a year from today reading this, I know what you know since the timeline isn’t linear and it all exists in the unlimited possibilities of space and time. I hope and I know you’ve enjoyed the journey.

Time for me to lead myself to you future Z, I love you forever. ❤

Returned

So I see you’ve returned

I take back

All the trust that you’ve earned

Since I

Still feel the hurt

Your actions

I did not deserve.

So I see you’ve returned

But not the things

I deserve

The things that

I’ve earned

From this

I have learned

Divine

Where do you go inside your mind?

Please tell me that it’s somewhere kind

Someplace where you feel alive

A place where you can truly thrive.

Not a space for thoughts on strike

But a space you truly like

A home for all your happiness

A fine balance of compassion and selfishness.

A shelter of all the love

That also knows when to shut up

To silence when the world gets grey

Keep embracing( existing); go out and play

Your mind is not your enemy

You are not it; you are no stray.

You, Your brain: a team combined

Your heart, your soul, and your mind.

Please be gracious with yourself

There’s only you and no one else.

Your gentle soul deserves some ease

Provide this place, accept- release.

Where do you go inside your mind?

Is it your home or your demise?

I hope you love what you will find

Gentle pure and divine.

Alone

Loneliness is such an interesting concept

I feel alone, and at times it does weigh on me- being by myself so much.

I thoroughly enjoy my own company. I allow myself the space I see as crucial for self analyses, self investment.

But when it’s been months now where I find myself alone at night,

I start to crave interaction

And not the kind that fills the void.

Rather- the kind that expands the void into a space of loving compassion

Of understandment

Of vulnerability.

The kind of interaction that encourages growth and stimulates innovation.

The deepest of interactions- the ones that pierce the soul

Unlike a dagger

But like an IV

Takes a minute adjusting to its presence, but it supplies basic needs when we need it most.

Mind you, I find myself having a multitude of interactions every day and I feel so loved by the people I’m so lucky to say surround me.

And I wouldn’t go as far to say a part of me feel incomplete by any means, yet I do sense a forelorn ache every once in a while without a specific presence.

I am whole on my own

I am sacred and pure on my own

I am strong and tough on my own

I rock my independence with dignity unlike any other, believe me.

But that does not diminish the subtle pings of the heart that call out in the night for you.

I yearn no such love but my own to high severity.

Everything I want sits within my throne.

Everything I need resides within this home.

But to be touched again by your soul- I would melt a thousand times

So I’d rather be alone.