I’ve always conditioned myself to mask my uncomfortable or enlightened moments in tears. My neck starts to tense up, I force myself to swallow but as hard as I try sometimes, the tense energy gets trapped. From there my eyes start to water and I tip over the edge of emotional clarity to irrationality.
Even as I write this, I am at a battle with my energy to breath through so that I feel the genuine emotion and talk myself into what feels right, rather than just give up and cry. This is different for everyone. For some, crying is their rawest form of emotion and they don’t ever feel comfortable showing. But I am known to be a incredibly emotional person.
Crying let’s me feel okay when I release all the tension in my throat. The water washed away the feelings rather than me indulging in them the right way, which is through deep breaths and centered meditation.
The human condition is as such. We have to be able to breath when we feel as if we could never breath again. We must allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our breath, feel it filling not only our lungs, but our entire human body. The breath allows us to face our fears. The breath allows our brains a moment to recollect. The breath brings our brains back to what is at the center of it all, letting go of the ego.
The breath diminishes fear. The breath alleviates aches. The breath feeds our souls. The breath is our healer. We must allow ourselves to focus on the most simplistic human condition to fully recognize that we are no more than a breath and a heart.
Happiness is fantasized. Just like love, it is idolized and capitalized on. Happiness isn’t always smiling through the conditions your facing. To me, happiness is breathing through the conditions you’re facing. Yes, I have felt pure, raw joy. Yet in those moments, I recall on my hard work to get there and also release myself to the notion that that joy is as fleeting as all else.
Such like the breath. Inward, we recognize the work to expand our lungs. Outward, we recognize we will take another breath again. Happiness isn’t eternal. Happiness comes from perseverance and believing in the greater good (which is you by the way) to produce what you know you can achieve. Happiness is fleeting, therefore so is sadness.
There is no black or white. There is color. There is no yes or no, there just is. The world is constantly shifting and changing and shaping itself to match all the energy it holds. So breath into your energy and believe that it all is for your greatest good.
Breathing into the sadness is absolutely more difficult than breathing into the happiness. Yet, if we didn’t know what allowing ourselves to struggle and pull ourselves out of the dark hole feels like, we wouldn’t appreciate the sunlight.
Crying is a relief mechanism and I love to release every once in a while. Have a cry dump. But, I’ve been training myself to not let my emotions carry me away into my sadness or happiness. I am allowing myself to experience it within my breath and within my centered state.
Writing this has also helped the knot in my throat slowly dissipate. It lingers ever so slightly when I recall of what is sending me into the yearning of tears but I know better. I know I can do better. I know I can channel that into words for myself to read back again. I know I can channel it into something beautiful, a lesson learned. Will I ever learn all my lessons? No, but I know that that too has it’s purpose.
Oh, but that is the hardest part. Facing myself and calling myself out, that’s easy. Yet, calling myself out from a loving place, a place of acceptance and vulnerability to progress is the hardest part. We are our worst critiques. We believe we are unsolvable, we believe we are unlovable, we believe we are everything our demons want us to believe.
Yet, we aren’t our thoughts. We are the knowledge of being aware that we are not our thoughts. That’s where the breath comes in. When we panic, when we get anxious, when we get angry, when we get depressed, we think. We think ourselves in circles. We think this and that and we don’t allow ourselves to find a neutral thought. A neutral thought that is brought on by the breath, that constantly reminds us that we are just human and we are just energy.
Detaching ourselves from both the mind and the body is where neutral comes in. Our brain controls us. Our brain tells us what to think, do, act, and believe. But when we breath, we take the power back from the brain into our innate energy. Don’t get me wrong, the brain is beautiful, but it is deceptive, it craves power. It craves for attention. It craves for approval and love and acknowledgment. The brain is our ego. Our breath is our mediator.
At the end of the day, you choose to believe what you choose to believe.
An open mind isn’t that of someone who claims to be open to controversy, it is a mind that recognizes that it can be wrong and accepts that notion fully. Being open minded is the recognition and confession of our mistakes. It is those moments of vulnerability and truth and unconditional love for ourselves that define a true open mind. The all seeing eye that allows us to see and understand every side to every possibility and being okay with whatever may happen, because that too is meant to shape you.
To me that is where true Happiness comes from. Being content to being not okay, because being unhappy shows us that we have been happy before and we can be happy again. That’s bliss for me.
Be open to being wrong. Be open to shutting your own thoughts down. Shift your perception of the ego. Allow the power to be returned to your soul, the energy, the breath. Allow yourself to be bright and vulnerable. Allow yourself to breath love into yourself.
272020
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The Better ME 