So as a psychology major, something I learned about the human brain is that we have the natural instinct for fight or flight. This means that when we are faced with difficult scenarios our brains tend to either fight or get out of that scenario as soon and as fast as possible. This is a primal instinct because this is also the same with animals.
Well, I’ve always been the one that would hate fighting or confrontation so I would just remove myself from the scenario. I would always have the flight instinct and never wanted to fight for shit. I took the easy route always. And then last year it hit me slowly that I have to face my actions and take responsibility for myself.
One of the current lessons I’m learning is to love my past but also to let it go. There have been times where I know I didn’t take the most perfect route, but it had to happen that way and I’m still alive and I hurt nobody in the process. And I tend to beat myself up mentally for the smallest little things because I want to feel the pain and learn the hard way so I can never make the same “mistake” again.
I’m learning to embrace my past because every little slip up and moment led me to be who I am in this moment and as much as I had wished in the past that I did something differently, I wouldn’t be who I am now had I not experienced those moments. And so I’m thankful for my growth and I’m thankful that I’m getting my shit together.
I tend to make a bigger deal out of my mistakes cus I want to please everyone and sometimes other people’s opinions still steer me towards my decision making. I have to not let outside factors control my actions. I’m my own person and as long as I’m sure I am doing the right thing for myself, then I’m doing the best for the people around me as well. I’m very consciously aware of my actions now and I would like to think my moral compass is rather defined and precise.
I have embraced the fight instinct and as much as I want to run away from all my problems. They always catch up one way or another so I might as well just put my big girl pants on, tie my hair up and get ready to fight my problems and feel the pain. Feel the growing pains and process all the things that come with life.
At the end of the day, I’m still learning so much about my capabilities and I have to take care of my body or else I can’t nourish my soul. I have to get back to regular exercise, eating and drinking water and sleeping for the correct amount of time. All of this being said, I’m really happy I grew from the kid I was in high school and from the kid I was merely a year ago.
But I’m shedding away my old skin and growing into my new mold. And she’s pretty sick. And I fought hard to be here. For myself so I can provide for others in a loving way.
I’m learning to feel okay with being not okay and speaking freely. And fighting through the challenges rather than running away or pushing them aside.
The Better ME 